Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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