remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
