they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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