be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
