I wish I could teleport
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
