My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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