You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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