how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
