I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
