I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sober January is a disaster.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
