Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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