ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Houston, we have a blender
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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