Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
