Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So vagazzling was a success
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
