She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I deserve this hangover.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
