Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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