drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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