I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What a dumb baby whore.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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