my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
