put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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