Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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