I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
