i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
