We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
