is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
