Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
