So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize