Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
