dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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