Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also, beer. Big fan.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize