dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
