i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
