just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
