I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
