I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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