Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
