i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
