The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
