She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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