I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
