that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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