My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
