u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
