The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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