Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
