Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
