Pappa wants mamma naked
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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