The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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