Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
