Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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