PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
