my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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