I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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