Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
