what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
