smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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