Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
