My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
