So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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