Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
