My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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