Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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