After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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