This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
