forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
