Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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