2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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