More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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