It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
