Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
