new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
