YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
