every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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