I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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