Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
