morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
