i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
