It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
BRING THE BAGELS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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