Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
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