did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Randomize
