haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
