I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
