All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
