i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
