So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
