is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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