my sisters under your porch take her home
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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