I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
