last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
